Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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