OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
