his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
