So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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