And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
