if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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