How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
