oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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