you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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