is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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