is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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