I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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