I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
