he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
