I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he puts the penis in happiness.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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