I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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