remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
