Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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