Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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