I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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