I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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