We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
