Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
