I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
there is puke in my bra ... again
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