we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
