U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
