Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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