im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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