his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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