I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
