I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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