you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
