if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I believe in your delicious
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
