Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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