My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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