koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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