hotel room ftw
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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