Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
