I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
