I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
