They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
