You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
