i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
