When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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