Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
