ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
...so i touched it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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