You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
