i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
