I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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