U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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