Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
