She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
