whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
