yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
