chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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