I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
