im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
